It's easy for me to understand "the other side" because I live in a rural part of a red state, where Democrats are scarce on the ground. The Other Side tells me exactly what they think. One person told me that she's a Republican "because of black people." It doesn't get much clearer than that, but weirdly, at first I was confused. Eventually I figured out she meant, "Because I don't like black people and Democrats do."
When Obama was first running for President, my neighbors told me that Obama was a "Mohammed" and a Marxist, and that he would turn off the electric power if elected. When I offered to fact-check that online, my neighbor said I didn't need to, because she was going to believe whatever the people at her church said, regardless of its factuality. She also told me that school children in California were forced to take Muslim names and perform Muslim rituals at school.
During the pandemic, my neighbors told me that Covid was a hoax invented "to keep people from working." It was not clear why "they" wanted to keep people from working. I guess because "they" are bad.
During the 2020 election year, I interviewed some Q-Anon people in my town. I asked them why they were demonstrating in front of the Goodwill Store. (Yes, that is their preferred site.) They said because they had to save America. When I asked from what, their leader came over and shoo'ed me away. So I never found out who or what was going to take America away from them. But I can guess.
In the last five years, the amount of gunfire in my neighborhood has increased dramatically. Men go out in their backyards and fire away at paper targets on pieces of plywood, for an hour or two, in the afternoon on nice days. One guy evidently has a bump stock because he sounds as if he's shooting a machine gun. In light of this, I have just stopped talking about politics altogether with my neighbors. I don't ask and I don't tell. I do have a Biden sticker on the truck I take to the dump, but that is all. My neighbor's bedraggled 2020 Trump sign is still in her front yard.
Oof – thank you for this comment. I grew up in Tampa in the 1980s, so I can relate. And the abject racism that you’re describing here is why I don’t want to “both sides” this feeling that America is in peril. Right and Left may both have that feeling, but only one side has it because of racism, conspiracy theories, and religious extremism. And yet – there is that feeling. That’s what I’m so interested in. That on both sides, there’s a sense of existential risk, that we have to save America. I feel it from the Left. And for very different reasons, the people you’re describing feel it from the Right. I’m fascinated by that.
I have run into some conspiracy theories on the Left sadly. One friend who is ultra-lefty was afraid of the Covid vaccine and ended up taking Ivermectin. I don't get this "save America" thing. I don't worry about saving America. I worry more about saving democracy all around the world, as it seems under threat everywhere, because so many people are regressing to a kind of group process where autocracy and authoritarianism seem "fun." I think a lot of people enjoy Trump's sadism. They are afraid to be psychopaths themselves despite their own psychopathic impulses, but they enjoy watching somebody else get away with it.
Some of my Lefty friends have become pretty authoritarian too. I have heard people saying that we should leave poor Putin alone because we're scaring him too much with NATO. Poor baby! And people idealizing Islamist terror as somehow justified, romanticizing Hamas, etc. Again, this is just a voyeuristic and vicarious enjoyment of chaos, violence, and sadism. These people are so insistent that rational debate is impossible. The discussion devolves immediately into name-calling, including the dreaded charge that I am an elitist because...I'm not sure why.
Some weird psychological process is going on, probably because people correctly intuit the actual existential threats, like climate change, but instead of dealing with that threat directly, they just project the threat onto imperialists, as Lefties do, or onto liberals, as Rightist do. I think a lot of people don't want to give up the pleasures of fossil-fuel dependent living and/or they don't think it's possible to fix the situation, so a kind of sadistic nihilism has set in.
Sorry to be so gloomy. I'm actually reasonably happy: I have just noticed that almost nobody else is.
Sad that Biden is not getting credit for actually trying to do a little something about climate change. I think this is more evidence that people just are not open to hearing about rational, possible solutions: they are just in full-on Goblin Mode.
Yes it’s amazing but when my good friends who are straight, white ,male ,rich and Christian say they feel the most persecuted I am up a creek without a paddle in understanding. As a former evangelical who knows “my people” it seems like the Jesus message got lost on a lot of them.
And yet, a lot of people are just trying to get through their days with the minimum amount of conflict. I see this on "both sides" as well. Almost nobody talks about politics around here. (The ones that do are often the most extreme, like my Lefty friends who berate me about my support of Ukraine.) But 10-20 years ago, they did. It's just become too hot to touch. I think people are tired of the polarization; they don't want to know that you, their neighbor, are one of Them. There are few yard signs and very few bumper stickers, for an election year. They just want to get along. And I think this is the best strategy. I don't want to know if my gardening friend next door thinks evolution is not real, to be honest.
Also, now that abortion is illegal in TN, Republican women have got what they wanted. They ran off the drag shows, so that's done. Their husbands are still worried that somebody will get their guns, though. The gun issue divides Republicans, after the Covenant School shooting in Nashville: the Republican moms want gun control now.
I am so happy to read your writing! I’ve been looking for voices like yours for a while. What ever the challenge this world is facing, we will not solve it by division and blame! This really came to the fore with me with Israel and Palestine. It is my hope that voices that yours and Yuhal Noah Harari and to a lesser extent, mine will help us to see that we will not solve the crises that we are facing by blaming and hating on each other, rather we at least offer hope by, trying to understand each other. The only thing I know is that it starts with me. Having said that, it is a lonely place to be.
Your line " We're united by the sense of doom while completely opposed on the reasons why" is so true and well written.
Your Daily Beast article I hope will help us all see our own blindspots. And vote for good folks who will vote for good policy for our planet. Its all sobering. And yet hopeful somehow as I am seeing the need more and more to see the "other side" ( Maga) as people who have fears too. How in the world can we go forward? I for one am just trying to stay present in this swirling world and pay attention to the humanity around me. I don't want to lose my hope for change. I will keep seeing humanity up close as we are all in this together. Thank you so much for your offerings. Peace to you today.
I think one solution is to have as many conservative friends as possible. Just don't talk about politics or "issues." Stick to gardening, kids, etc. Then they start to see that you're not a monster.
Yes, my very own family has many maga supporters. I used to ask my dad if he thought I was one those “crazy libbos” and he’d say no and hug me. I’m enjoying meeting new folks in a new area playing sports and I want to know them too as fun caring human beings who just disagree with me. Unfortunately it’s hard for us to know each other’s differences when we avoid politics. I’m trying to introduce politics and keep my equanimity It’s a great spiritual practice for me!
My dad does know I am a crazy libbo. We've had some pretty fierce arguments. The worst time was in the fall of 2016, when he said that it was normal for guys to brag about pussy-grabbing. He implied that he and his friends talked like that on their fishing trips. I was furious. One of the worst things about this was that he had taken my son on some of these fishing trips. I asked my son if they talked bad about women on these trips. He said no, the old men mostly talked about money! So really I think my dad was trolling me. I asked him about it again not too long ago. He didn't really remember talking with me about it years earlier, but he said that he and his friends did not really brag about pussy grabbing. I still don't really know if they did or not. Even if they didn't, just trolling me about this was pretty bad.
wow! What a story! Its hard knowing our kids are listening. Here's to keeping up the work on trying to remain grounded in ourselves and staying in relationship with those that are hard to understand.
My dad does know I am a crazy libbo. We've had some pretty fierce arguments. The worst time was in the fall of 2016, when he said that it was normal for guys to brag about pussy-grabbing. He implied that he and his friends talked like that on their fishing trips. I was furious. One of the worst things about this was that he had taken my son on some of these fishing trips. I asked my son if they talked bad about women on these trips. He said no, the old men mostly talked about money! So really I think my dad was trolling me. I asked him about it again not too long ago. He didn't really remember talking with me about it years earlier, but he said that he and his friends did not really brag about pussy grabbing. I still don't really know if they did or not. Even if they didn't, just trolling me about this was pretty bad.
This was such a great read, Jay! I appreciated the nuance and perspectives you took. I have a legal background, too, so it's cool to read from someone who is both a lawyer and a meditation teacher.
My personal read is that we all feel like the world is ending (regardless of where we fall on the political spectrum), because it is ending. Not THE world, but a world. The world we know and we are used to.
It seems to me that we are going through a death/rebirth cycle. And while births might be beautiful, they ain't pretty (at least not for humans).
There's this collective sense that the old isn't quite working anymore. While there is a ton of disagreement over why it's not working anymore (see: politics), from an evolutionary and energetic perspective those opinions aren't really the main point.
Right now, we have two options: accept the need for change or try to resist it. The second option just prolongs the inevitable and is more painful.
Because if something isn't working, things have to change. However, as humans, we don't like change and uncertainty. Cue our feelings of anxiety and doom, as we either oscillate between acceptance and resistance, or are in full resistance (those who want to keep the status quo).
For me, I find it helps me to focus on the things I can impact and allow my feelings to be there. ❤️
It's easy for me to understand "the other side" because I live in a rural part of a red state, where Democrats are scarce on the ground. The Other Side tells me exactly what they think. One person told me that she's a Republican "because of black people." It doesn't get much clearer than that, but weirdly, at first I was confused. Eventually I figured out she meant, "Because I don't like black people and Democrats do."
When Obama was first running for President, my neighbors told me that Obama was a "Mohammed" and a Marxist, and that he would turn off the electric power if elected. When I offered to fact-check that online, my neighbor said I didn't need to, because she was going to believe whatever the people at her church said, regardless of its factuality. She also told me that school children in California were forced to take Muslim names and perform Muslim rituals at school.
During the pandemic, my neighbors told me that Covid was a hoax invented "to keep people from working." It was not clear why "they" wanted to keep people from working. I guess because "they" are bad.
During the 2020 election year, I interviewed some Q-Anon people in my town. I asked them why they were demonstrating in front of the Goodwill Store. (Yes, that is their preferred site.) They said because they had to save America. When I asked from what, their leader came over and shoo'ed me away. So I never found out who or what was going to take America away from them. But I can guess.
In the last five years, the amount of gunfire in my neighborhood has increased dramatically. Men go out in their backyards and fire away at paper targets on pieces of plywood, for an hour or two, in the afternoon on nice days. One guy evidently has a bump stock because he sounds as if he's shooting a machine gun. In light of this, I have just stopped talking about politics altogether with my neighbors. I don't ask and I don't tell. I do have a Biden sticker on the truck I take to the dump, but that is all. My neighbor's bedraggled 2020 Trump sign is still in her front yard.
Stay safe, y'all.
Oof – thank you for this comment. I grew up in Tampa in the 1980s, so I can relate. And the abject racism that you’re describing here is why I don’t want to “both sides” this feeling that America is in peril. Right and Left may both have that feeling, but only one side has it because of racism, conspiracy theories, and religious extremism. And yet – there is that feeling. That’s what I’m so interested in. That on both sides, there’s a sense of existential risk, that we have to save America. I feel it from the Left. And for very different reasons, the people you’re describing feel it from the Right. I’m fascinated by that.
I have run into some conspiracy theories on the Left sadly. One friend who is ultra-lefty was afraid of the Covid vaccine and ended up taking Ivermectin. I don't get this "save America" thing. I don't worry about saving America. I worry more about saving democracy all around the world, as it seems under threat everywhere, because so many people are regressing to a kind of group process where autocracy and authoritarianism seem "fun." I think a lot of people enjoy Trump's sadism. They are afraid to be psychopaths themselves despite their own psychopathic impulses, but they enjoy watching somebody else get away with it.
Some of my Lefty friends have become pretty authoritarian too. I have heard people saying that we should leave poor Putin alone because we're scaring him too much with NATO. Poor baby! And people idealizing Islamist terror as somehow justified, romanticizing Hamas, etc. Again, this is just a voyeuristic and vicarious enjoyment of chaos, violence, and sadism. These people are so insistent that rational debate is impossible. The discussion devolves immediately into name-calling, including the dreaded charge that I am an elitist because...I'm not sure why.
Some weird psychological process is going on, probably because people correctly intuit the actual existential threats, like climate change, but instead of dealing with that threat directly, they just project the threat onto imperialists, as Lefties do, or onto liberals, as Rightist do. I think a lot of people don't want to give up the pleasures of fossil-fuel dependent living and/or they don't think it's possible to fix the situation, so a kind of sadistic nihilism has set in.
Sorry to be so gloomy. I'm actually reasonably happy: I have just noticed that almost nobody else is.
Sad that Biden is not getting credit for actually trying to do a little something about climate change. I think this is more evidence that people just are not open to hearing about rational, possible solutions: they are just in full-on Goblin Mode.
Yes it’s amazing but when my good friends who are straight, white ,male ,rich and Christian say they feel the most persecuted I am up a creek without a paddle in understanding. As a former evangelical who knows “my people” it seems like the Jesus message got lost on a lot of them.
I wish there was a sad face rather than a love/ like button. 😢
Not your words but the idea that we live in such divided times.
Sad.
And yet, a lot of people are just trying to get through their days with the minimum amount of conflict. I see this on "both sides" as well. Almost nobody talks about politics around here. (The ones that do are often the most extreme, like my Lefty friends who berate me about my support of Ukraine.) But 10-20 years ago, they did. It's just become too hot to touch. I think people are tired of the polarization; they don't want to know that you, their neighbor, are one of Them. There are few yard signs and very few bumper stickers, for an election year. They just want to get along. And I think this is the best strategy. I don't want to know if my gardening friend next door thinks evolution is not real, to be honest.
Also, now that abortion is illegal in TN, Republican women have got what they wanted. They ran off the drag shows, so that's done. Their husbands are still worried that somebody will get their guns, though. The gun issue divides Republicans, after the Covenant School shooting in Nashville: the Republican moms want gun control now.
Wow! Thank you for this piece and all your links. We need more voices like yours.
Thank you!
I am so happy to read your writing! I’ve been looking for voices like yours for a while. What ever the challenge this world is facing, we will not solve it by division and blame! This really came to the fore with me with Israel and Palestine. It is my hope that voices that yours and Yuhal Noah Harari and to a lesser extent, mine will help us to see that we will not solve the crises that we are facing by blaming and hating on each other, rather we at least offer hope by, trying to understand each other. The only thing I know is that it starts with me. Having said that, it is a lonely place to be.
Your line " We're united by the sense of doom while completely opposed on the reasons why" is so true and well written.
Your Daily Beast article I hope will help us all see our own blindspots. And vote for good folks who will vote for good policy for our planet. Its all sobering. And yet hopeful somehow as I am seeing the need more and more to see the "other side" ( Maga) as people who have fears too. How in the world can we go forward? I for one am just trying to stay present in this swirling world and pay attention to the humanity around me. I don't want to lose my hope for change. I will keep seeing humanity up close as we are all in this together. Thank you so much for your offerings. Peace to you today.
I think one solution is to have as many conservative friends as possible. Just don't talk about politics or "issues." Stick to gardening, kids, etc. Then they start to see that you're not a monster.
Yes, my very own family has many maga supporters. I used to ask my dad if he thought I was one those “crazy libbos” and he’d say no and hug me. I’m enjoying meeting new folks in a new area playing sports and I want to know them too as fun caring human beings who just disagree with me. Unfortunately it’s hard for us to know each other’s differences when we avoid politics. I’m trying to introduce politics and keep my equanimity It’s a great spiritual practice for me!
My dad does know I am a crazy libbo. We've had some pretty fierce arguments. The worst time was in the fall of 2016, when he said that it was normal for guys to brag about pussy-grabbing. He implied that he and his friends talked like that on their fishing trips. I was furious. One of the worst things about this was that he had taken my son on some of these fishing trips. I asked my son if they talked bad about women on these trips. He said no, the old men mostly talked about money! So really I think my dad was trolling me. I asked him about it again not too long ago. He didn't really remember talking with me about it years earlier, but he said that he and his friends did not really brag about pussy grabbing. I still don't really know if they did or not. Even if they didn't, just trolling me about this was pretty bad.
wow! What a story! Its hard knowing our kids are listening. Here's to keeping up the work on trying to remain grounded in ourselves and staying in relationship with those that are hard to understand.
My dad does know I am a crazy libbo. We've had some pretty fierce arguments. The worst time was in the fall of 2016, when he said that it was normal for guys to brag about pussy-grabbing. He implied that he and his friends talked like that on their fishing trips. I was furious. One of the worst things about this was that he had taken my son on some of these fishing trips. I asked my son if they talked bad about women on these trips. He said no, the old men mostly talked about money! So really I think my dad was trolling me. I asked him about it again not too long ago. He didn't really remember talking with me about it years earlier, but he said that he and his friends did not really brag about pussy grabbing. I still don't really know if they did or not. Even if they didn't, just trolling me about this was pretty bad.
This was such a great read, Jay! I appreciated the nuance and perspectives you took. I have a legal background, too, so it's cool to read from someone who is both a lawyer and a meditation teacher.
My personal read is that we all feel like the world is ending (regardless of where we fall on the political spectrum), because it is ending. Not THE world, but a world. The world we know and we are used to.
It seems to me that we are going through a death/rebirth cycle. And while births might be beautiful, they ain't pretty (at least not for humans).
There's this collective sense that the old isn't quite working anymore. While there is a ton of disagreement over why it's not working anymore (see: politics), from an evolutionary and energetic perspective those opinions aren't really the main point.
Right now, we have two options: accept the need for change or try to resist it. The second option just prolongs the inevitable and is more painful.
Because if something isn't working, things have to change. However, as humans, we don't like change and uncertainty. Cue our feelings of anxiety and doom, as we either oscillate between acceptance and resistance, or are in full resistance (those who want to keep the status quo).
For me, I find it helps me to focus on the things I can impact and allow my feelings to be there. ❤️
Thank you, Louise!
The only time I felt not doomed in my nearly 62 years was the 1990s.
I like the AI-generated images, too.
Thanks for this.
Thank you for saying “kitchen sink” issues instead of the much worn cliche “kitchen table” issues and more importantly not bothsidesing this.